The Canonical List of Band Jokes

Q: What's the first position a trombonist learns?
A: Head cocked, arm above it, finger scratching scalp.

Q: How can you tell that a kid on a playground is a trombonist's kid?
A: He can't swing and he complains about the slide.

Q: How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in.

Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
A: On or off.

Q: How do you make a French horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste

Q: What's the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A: The trombone will bend before it breaks.

Q: What's the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A: The trombone will bend before it breaks.

Q: How many lessons does it take to teach a beginner trombone player to play a note?
A: Two, One to learn how to put it together and the second lesson to learn how to blow into it.

Q: What's is another term for "trombone"?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Q: How do you save a trombonist from drowning?
A: Take your foot off their head.

Q: What do 4 trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good idea!

Q: What do you call a trombone player in the street?
A: A beggar.

Q: How do you make a trombone sound better?
A: Run it over with a lawnmower.

Q: What kind of calender does a trombonist use for his gigs?
A: Year-at-a-Glance

Q: What do you call a trombonist with a beeper?
A: An optimist.

Q: What's the least used sentence in the English language?
A: "Look at that trombone player's Cadillac!"

Q: How many trombone players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll spend half an hour trying to figure out what position he needs to be in.

Q: You are driving down a street and your director and a trombone player are crossing the street in front of you. Which one do you hit first?
A: Your director. Business before pleasure!

Q: Why do people play trombone?
A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.

Q: What's the difference between a trombone section and a saxophone section?
A: The trombones weren't meant to sound like two cats in a fight, but they do.

Q: How many trombone players does it take to pave a driveway?
A: One, if you spread him really thin.

Q: What do you say to a trombonist who is wearing a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"

Q: What do you call a pretty woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What's the difference between a trombonist and a mouse?
A: The mouse actually gets some attention.

Q: How can you make a trombone player's car more aerodynamic?
A: Take off the pizza sign!

Q: Why do trombonists march while playing?
A: To get away from that awful sound!

Q: What's the latest crime wave in New York City?
A: Drive-by trombone solos.

Q: What's another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Q:How do you get a trombone player to play slower?
A: Put a page of music in front of him.
Q: How do you get him to stop completely?
A: Put notes on the page.

A guy walks up to the band director and inquires about joining the band. The director says,"Sure, you can join the trombone section." The guy replies, "But I don't play the trombone." "Well," the director replies "Neither does anyone in our trombone section!"

These western vacationers find themselves on safari in the deepest, darkest jungle in Africa. They gradually become aware of the rumble of drums somewhere off in the distance.
Noticing their worried expressions, their seasoned African guide tells them, "It's okay. It is only bad when the drums stop."
Venturing further into the dense forest, their sense of foreboding returns as the incessant, ominous pounding grows louder and louder. "It is only bad when the drums stop," their guide reassures them. They press on.
As they round the bend at the base of a great mountain, the drums, much closer now, rise to a tremendous crescendo, then abruptly stop.
"Oh, no!" the guide screams, "Trombone solo!"

What do the letters pp mean to a trombone player?
    1. An opportunity for an improvised solo.
    2. A polite reminder that he has been playing too loud for the past 5 minutes.

It is difficult to trust anyone whose instrument changes shape as he plays it!

Trombone: a slide whistle with delusions of grandeur.