The Canonical List of Band Jokes

Q. How do you know there's a flute player at your door?
A. You don't. They can't find the right key and don't know when to make the entrance.

Q. How do you get 2 piccolos to play in tune?
A. Shoot one.

Q: What's the difference between a flutist and a piranha?
A: The lipstick.

Q: How many flutists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six -- One to get the chair to stand on, one to stand on the chair and actually screw it in, one to pull the chair out from under her, and three more to complain about how much better they could have done it.

Q: How do concert band flute players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: They ask their boyfriend to do it for them.

Q: What is perfect pitch on a flute?
A: When it misses the rim of the toilet as you throw it in.

Q: How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
A: When the engines stop, the whining continues

Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?
A: To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the flute recital.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the middle of the
road and a dead flutist in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What do you call a good flute section?
A: Impossible.

Q: Four flutists drive a mini-van off of a cliff.  What is the
tragedy?
A: You can easily fit eight flutists in a mini-van.

Q: Why were flutes invented?
A: To hit the person on the right.

Q: Why were piccolos invented?
A: To give the whole orchestra a headache.

Q: What do you have when a group of flutists are up to their necks in wet
concrete?
A: Not enough concrete.

Q: Why do flutists leave their instruments on the dashboards of their
cars?
A: So they can park in "handicapped" parking places.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A: A flutist.

Q: What's the difference between an onion and a flute?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a flute

Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. 

There is a group of 6th grade flute players, and they are in a competition to who can get the highest note.
"Look guys, I can play a high A!" (Screeeeeeech!)
"Well, I can get to high B" (Screeeech!, Any glass nearby busts)
"I can play piccolo!" (Panic ensues)
"Nooooo! DON'T DO IT!"
"PUT IT AWAY!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"