The Canonical List of Band Jokes

Colorguard hit point system:
Other flag = 0
Flute = 10
Clarinet = 10
Saxophone = 15
Trumpet = 20
Trombone = 25
Baritone = 35
Sousaphone = 50
Drumline = 55
Drum Major = 65
Band Director = Run!!!

Murphy's Law of Colorguard
If any toss can be dropped, it will.
If any toss can't be dropped, it will.
After things have gone from bad to worse, spin.
When the going gets tough, spin.
Complex drill spots have simple, easy-to-understand wrong ways to get there.
Don't let your captains know you're better than they are.
You never know who's right, but you always know who the judges think is right.
When you do not know what you are doing, do with a smile on your face and your head up.
Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse if you weren't in guard.
Spinning is not the answer. Spinning is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

How to Annoy a Guard Member

1. Jump when guard members run by and yell "Please don't hit me!"
2. Ask "Is that heavy?"
3. Just watch the guard carry big flags, but don't move out of the way.
4. Ask "Can you go somewhere or do you have to do that flaggy spinny thing you do?"
5. Ask "Are you the people that twirl those things at football games?"
6. Say "Colorguard sucks."
7. Say "I could do that."
8. Ask what we do then say "Thanks for clearing it up. I always got you and cheerleaders mixed up."
9. Sit in a sweater and jeans and moan to the guard members in skirts about how cold you are.
10. Put marbles or some other small object in flag poles.
11. Say "Don't you feel stupid out there holding that white stick thing?"
12. Tell us that all we do is stand there and spin our "little" flags. (Most of our poles are taller than you.)
13. Four words: "Guard isn't a sport".